dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
