you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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