WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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