We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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