Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
