i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
