You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
