i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
