My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
