My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
