haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
