I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
