I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
