Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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