I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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