Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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