I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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