Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
