but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
