I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
