I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I queefed so loud it echoed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
