The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm always down for nudity.
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