I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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