It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
