Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
