There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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