Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
