it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
