Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
