i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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