never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
