Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
