Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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