South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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