If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
