okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
