she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
