so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
