it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
