hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
