Only a mothe r could love this liver
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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