but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
