You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
