So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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