exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
