Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
