Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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