After last night, I could never be a politician.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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