i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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