Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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