my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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